When someone asks me what I do for a living, I take a deep breath and I say “I’m a stay home mom.” Cringing a little when I say it aloud. It’s not that I don’t enjoy staying home with my kids, actually it’s the best daytime gig I’ve ever had. For some reason the term Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) seems lazy. Why do they have to say I stay at home? That sounds so unadventurous and lazy. Sure, we have those days too, but we also have days we climb mountains (metaphoric and non-metaphoric). While I love my days, I have found I need something to scratch that itch inside of me that says I need to do more with my brain. So I started to take writing classes, a passion and curiosity I have always had.

Society rolls it’s eyes at me, expressing what I also think about myself: Here she is, 40 years old, stay at home mom, leaving her career behind; it’s obvious she’s having a midlife crisis if she thinks she can be a writer. I spent the first half of my life jumping through all the hoops that were in front of me. Sometimes falling on my face and sometimes hopping through with great ease. Pretty normal life stuff: college, job, marriage, kids, rinse and repeat. Then, like a freight train that rushed at me from a shadow, the hoops I jumped through just vanished. It was so strange to have this path I was certain I would take suddenly stop. Like walking up on a cliff edge unexpectedly.

Trying to imagine my new future was difficult. I was determined to live the second half of my life with more ambition and heart. Why not writing? Why the hell not writing! I have had two stories tossing around in my head for several years now, and so it’s time to put them on paper. With no idea where to start I have been taking a few online creative writing classes, joined some online writing groups (though I’m looking for more if anyone has suggestions), and started reading more. I think I’m getting a good foundation [shrug shoulders, clueless].

I started with an outline and I’ve already changed the outline a few times. Do all writers start with an outline? I have two stories I want to write but I am worried about confusing them so I am focusing on just one of my stories for the time being. Is this normal to work on one piece at a time or should I just do them side by side? Finding the time to write is a big challenge for me. As well as fear and embarrassment of failure – which intertwines with my soul searching mission.

I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

This is my restart at life.  My response to the daily prompt and my first entry about writing. I hope to continue to write about being a first time writer.