Recently I found myself getting very wound up about a situation I was trying to control. I could feel my blood pressure rising and anxious tendencies pushing me to make a decision quickly. Though, the decision didn’t need to be made within 24 hours, my hurried mind shouts at me to FIGURE IT OUT! An annoying queue on repeat, “Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
It’s a race, I have to figure things out immediately. Things have to be put in place so I can cross this off the list and then rest. If it’s not crossed off the list, there is no rest to be had. It will continue to circle through my head like the Indy 500.
In some areas of my life I’m actually pretty lax, however when it comes to organizing something in the future, I get tangled in the timeframe of when it actually needs to get done. I think I set a lot of short term goals for myself, so when a long term goal comes into play I create a time machine that teleports the future need, into the present moment.
Self-defense puts up her hands and says, “If you wait too long, some of your options will no longer be viable.” She’s not wrong. There is often some urgency to the matter, having a plan go south before it’s even taken off is deflating and exhausting. I juggle so much; I hate to see something fall, so I fight for it.
I’m not sure why I add this stress to my life. All fingers point to anxiety I suppose, but can I just point at that every time I have a stressful quirk? As a child, mom used to call me “the camp director,” which we would mutually laugh about. I honestly accepted this title with appreciation, I’m not sure if she’s aware of that. I like being decisive, and when something pops up that leaves me indecisive I become unhinged, restless.
It needs to get crossed off the list, so I can move on.